Tangent - On Christmas day, I received a series of keitai e-mails from the Australian. First wishing me a merry Christmas, then asking if I'm still dating or single, and third asking me out for drinks. It took two months before our schedules actually lined up for drinks and I quickly remembered why things didn't work out the first time.
In the meantime, I had met, through a Tokyo friend, an American guy who was supposedly perfect for me. He was tall, very well educated, high rank in a big company, loved to be active and travel, funny, easy going, and real family oriented. The only hitch was, he lived in the states. We started chatting, then Skyping, and then sending witty, flirtatious e-mails back and forth. He ran me through his "dating" survey to make sure that I was neither crazy nor had a string of crazy exes. I ran him through my checklist of 27 qualities I look for in a man. We found that we had very similar tastes in music, movies, books, and even an undying passion for the same drink. Once we both felt that the other wasn't some deranged potential stalker, we began talking about possibly meeting. In all honesty, he seemed like a perfect fit...on paper.
Within a couple of months I found myself waiting at the airport for him to arrive. He had a vacation planned to Singapore and had changed his plans to include a long layover in Tokyo so that we could meet. Coming off the long flight, he was still dressed impeccably. During the usually dull train ride back into Tokyo, he entertained me with crazy stories of his college days. And from start to finish he was a total gentleman, even giving me his jacket in the freezing cold. After a delicious dinner, and with very few places open, we wound up back at his hotel. We continued to chat, play cards, and ridiculing Japanese TV. All in all he really did seem like a stand-up guy...unfortunately, nothing was going to change about his living situation and the next day I found myself again alone in Japan.
We continued to chat almost daily. After about a month, I decided to include a trip to visit him in my plans home. He then began talking about the possibility of a long-distance relationship...WHAT!? We're more than 1/2 a world apart, have only met once in person, and talk through Skype and you want to try to hold a long distance relationship? I declined and instead told him that we should try and spend a bit more time together before jumping to any conclusions. I wasn't about to rush into another relationship.
Over the next couple of months we continued to chat and I found myself liking him more and more. I noticed that he was part of a food review site and decided to check out his reviews...and that's when the first red flag went up. Most of his reviews included comments about the dates he took to those places...at which point I began to wonder. I didn't care that he was still dating, but I noticed that each one seemed to be with a different woman...was he a serial dater? Of course being a woman, I tend to over think, but still...it made me feel a bit cautious.
When I arrived in town, things seemed great. He never dropped character. We had deep conversations about politics, family, and religion and conversation always seemed smooth. We went out with his friends and he even told them that we were dating. Everything seemed great until the last night when we were out with his friends and they started making cracks about the number of women he's dated...red flag number two. As much as I wanted to believe he was an honest and genuine guy, something just didn't sit right.
I flew home and for the remaining 10 days of my trip, I barely had any contact with him. And that's when I realized the dude was a long-distance dating addict. During my visit he shared more information abut his past relationships. After about the third or fourth girl, I started to notice a pattern: he had had a long number of previous girlfriends who had lived in other states and even other countries. I know he traveled often, but I found it odd that one person would manage so many long distance relationships in his lifetime. He enjoyed traveling to meet them on the weekends, but must have enjoyed having his bachelorhood during the weeks even more. As I pondered this, additional doubt crept in. Would he continue to date other people while "dating" me from afar? If I moved back to the State was he really ready to settle into a relationship? I decided it wasn't worth pushing and let communication settle to infrequent at best. Our conversations became more honest and open and he revealed the extreme importance of his career and though he wanted to settle down, he had grown accustomed to a life of last minute travel and didn't feel a family could fit into that.
We've continued to stay friends and every so often, when he finds himself momentarily single, he still e-mails to ask if I want him to come out for a "visit." I joke that he'll have to sleep on the floor, which usually guarantees that he always finds another place to vacation. I have to admit that every time he does this, I can't help but wonder, which woman on his Facebook list will he be visiting next? While I can't answer that, what I do know is, it won't be me.
When I was married, I found myself always wishing to have more in common with my husband. I felt like we agreed on very little and shared almost no similar interest, leaving us to often do out own thing. I always believe that if I found someone who I shared similar passions with, then for sure it would work out better than what I was in at the time. And yet, here I find a person that matches me perfectly on paper and it still just doesn't quite work out. To which I then find myself having to stop and wonder, just what is it that I'm looking for? And thus began my summer quest...
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